Great Moments In Recent Water Bottle Shenanigans

Over the weekend, while we all gasped, chuckled, cried, and wallowed in our pity while the Calgary Flames walloped the Edmonton Oilers, we learned a lot about an NHL team. Watching Taylor Hall slam a bottle on the ground while seated on the bench, and the chain reaction that took place following that moment in time, was an Oilers moment for the ages. Forget the great names hanging in the rafters, a suit got wet man, that’s serious business. Forget that the team is nestled comfortably near last place, I need a towel.

Taylor Hall and Dallas Eakins seemed to have a great relationship, probably still do. But I’m here to tell you, they may have stumbled across one of the greatest institutions of professional sports — a water bottle incident.

I give you “Great Moments In Recent Water Bottle Shenanigans”

We will start with the obvious one. Dustin Brown wrong-ends this Gatorade bottle. Still as fresh and unique as the day he internally tried to hide under the bench.

And, of course, Tie Domi. The glass-eyed snake charmer, and his wild and woolly penalty box fun. Anyone know what happened to this fan? I sure hope he struck a deal with Horizon Glass Installs. Gold, Jerry, Gold.

Moving on. Let’s take a brief detour here, and broaden things just a bit. Not only are water bottles to blame for crazy situations, but the whole Gatorade company. Dubinsky clearly isn’t a fan of traditional orange, perhaps he likes Riptide Rasberry?

Evander Kane is a magician. Or so this next image might have us think. Either he sold his soul, Delta Blues style, this is incredible video tweaking, or he’s just that good. I’m going with Delta Blues.

Remember that one time when the Maple Leafs were FA-REAKED on 24/7 because Todd Bertuzzi hit “their” water bottle? Good times, man, good times.

Sometimes, late at night, when I have trouble sleeping, I envision ways that hockey could incorporate a “flag” that the coaches can throw to the ice to alert them of things. Similar to the NFL. Little did we know…Marchand is a GENIUS!

One of the great things about water bottles is that they’ve not changed much in 1,000 years. You wanna know why ergonomic designs just don’t cut it? EXHIBIT A:

I pretty much love Ryan Getzlaf. You probably didn’t know this about me. I’m not sure if it’s the nasty wrist shot or the furrowed brow, any way you slice it, he’s a beast. But not as beastly as the fan that forced him to do this.

And finally, how about getting a ten minute misconduct for drinking an opposing goaltenders Gatorade. You have no idea where that thing has been, my man. To each his own.

In summation, Dallas Eakins and Taylor Hall, it could be worse. Your incident isn’t a first, just another story long line of incredibly great moments in hockey water bottle situations. Dry clean that suit. Refrain from slamming bottles to the earth. Let’s all learn to get along. Embrace the shenanigans.


Omark Earns Himself A “Saturday Night In The Big Town” Penalty Shot

Saturday evening was a good showing for Sir Linus. In ways that probably even surprised me, and continued my love/hate/love relationship for the winger with scowls for days. My favorite part was when he earned a penalty shot doing things an Omark likes to do. Keep in mind, this was his second penalty shot of the season, and subsequently his second goal scored on a penalty shot. Love.

To the GIFs:

Here is Omark earning every bit of that penalty shot. Great stride, great finish, unfraid of running the goaltender. It’s just a beautiful hockey moment.

Then he gets his opportunity to unleash a penalty shot, and he does so in a very different way. Rather than an intentional dangle, he gives the puck a full forced wrist shot. THIS is an NHL penalty goal. No doubt about it.

About Those Four Linus Omark Goals…

Photo by Steven Christy

Buried in a busy week of call-ups, injury news, and other hockey related tomfoolery was a four goal night by Linus Omark against the San Antonio Rampage. The Oklahoma City Barons would go on to win, 5-4 (Matt Ford scoring the additional one), but it wasn’t before Sir Linus had a wild and woolly four game night. He was due a good night, and a good night was had. The Rampage had no answer for him, and continued to play softball defense allowing him too much time with the puck. They quickly adjusted the next night, and successfully hogtied his offensive awesomeness.

In this particular game it was an early gaff that really spurned Omark to greatness. After a clearing attempt gone awry by Omark, the Rampage’s Bobby Butler scored an easy first goal of the game. The moment did not sit well with Linus, and he buried himself in a fantastic remainder of the game. Well done.

To the goals, in gif form.

You are going to see a trend developing in these gifs, and it involves the Rampage defense giving the Swede way too much room. As the puck moves up the ice no one challenges any of the three players who touch the puck including the trailer, Omark. Too easy.

This is probably the easiest power play goal Omark will ever score. The first goal was had streaking up the left wing, and this one on the right. The kid is gifted on both sides, and that makes him continually deadly. However, with that much room and time, I could have scored a power play goal here with a soup ladle. Nonetheless, goal number two (on the PP) was nice.

I apologize for not showing the take down that led to the free gift of a penalty shot, but it was a pretty garden variety penalty shot creator. When you have already given up two goals to a guy like Linus, you are probably in big trouble when it comes to one-on-one skills comp. The head/shoulder/wrist fake that Omark lays on the camera man is pretty sweet, but it doesn’t appear to have rattled Dov Grumet-Morris. But the shot is still excellent, beating the tender on the lower stick side. The puck barely comes off the ice, but it’s a thick wrister. Love.

A great pass during a really ugly penalty kill by San Antonio allows Omark to stand at the face-off dot, fully wound, and ready to fire. This, the fourth and final goal, was deadly accurate. That is an NHL-like goal if I’ve ever seen one, and this is what the Oilers need to see more often.

In all, it was another memorable night by Omark. Call it a breakout game if you would like, but it is certainly a showpiece for the Swedish goal scorer as he marches towards playing NHL hockey again. Through consistent performances like these, and not necessarily four goal nights, Omark will be heard loudly. Statements are what the Oilers are looking for. This is a statement.

(All gif’s courtesy of AHL Live. Capped by Neal!)

Linus Omark Takes A Check To The Head Via Jason Zucker

The Barons won their first game of the season, defeating the Iowa Wild, 4-2 on Sunday night. But it was a battle. This check to the head on Linus Omark, via Jason Zucker, gave the Barons a major PP, and garnished Zucker a 10:00 match penalty for a check to the head.

45 seconds prior to this event happening, Zucker was legally checked while handling the puck by Tyler Pitlick. The next sequence featured Zucker skating around looking for someone to hit, and eventually skating sideways to nail Sir Linus. Yuck.

A suspension could be forthcoming. Linus Omark immediately returned to the game after a short “rest” on the bench.