“Feast your eyes on the bitterness of my breath,” said Old Man Winter to a humble Oklahoman. “I will seize your aching bones, freeze your eyes shut as they cower in fear of opening, and will release the runny faucet of your uncovered nostrils. For I am upon you, banging on your back door, parading my way through your homestead. Be prepared, Winter is here,” as he began to laugh uncontrollably.
Winter has come a bit early to Oklahoma, and I am not ready for it just yet. I get all cute and say things like “wouldn’t a snowy December be great?” and “it doesn’t feel like Christmas time, why can’t we just have normal seasons around here?”. Then I opened my door this morning and the 20’s hit me like a Louisville Slugger to the gut. Pffft, 20’s? That’s a tropical climate compared to the -15 or so that will be screaming through the weekend.
The coldest temperatures Oklahoma has seen since the early 1980’s will arrive this week and into next week. As a native of Ohio, I remember nasty winters, jumps from my rooftop into billowy snow banks, but clearly I’ve been gone from the Northern states for far too long – I’ve become a winter softee.
Huddle together, Oklahoma, and we can make it through this thing (all joking aside, there is a lot of danger to this storm, be safe everyone). How, you ask? I have a solution.
Go hardy is always a good rule of thumb in these situations. Skip the chip aisle, where the Doritos are long gone, and instead go straight to “whole grains”. If porridge isn’t an option, oatmeal and malt-o-meal will do. Wash it down with a bit of maple syrup. Choose a syrup that doesn’t have a see-through bottle, those are the best. If it was tapped from Canada, even better.
Coffee is also a must. Dark roast of the french variety will allow you to withstand some vigorous snow shoveling if need be (probably won’t need to, but be prepared).
If you must go the junk food route, plan on things that stick to your ribs. Bacons, whole hams, and potatoes will cure what winter ails might be hurled your direction. When did potatoes become junk food? LOL
Fight the urge to watch the news channels except for noon and evening updates. Instead settle in for some “warm” tv watching. Suggestions? Friday, Saturday, and Sunday might give you excuses to not leave your house, and if you are up for it, there are some good things coming your way on the tube.
Thursday, “Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” brightens your living room, as does “The Muppet Christmas Carol”, “The Polar Express”, and “The Bishop’s Wife”. That is a pretty good foursome for the holidays. The Carrie Underwood led “Sound of Music” also will air live on NBC. That should make for an interesting program.
Thursday there are a slew of NHL games to take a gander at. Dallas vs. Toronto. San Jose vs. Pitt. Boston vs. Montreal. Chicago vs. Minnesota. Colorado vs. Edmonton. Do yourself a favor, take advantage of the wintry temps, stay inside, and watch a night of incredible sports. Just do it.
Friday the choices continue to be full on holiday. “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”, “Yes, Virginia”, and “Frosty The Snowman” dominate the programming, but new episodes of “The Carrie Diaries” (don’t tell anyone I said that, please), the MAC Championship game, and HGTV’s “Celebrity Holiday Homes” can warm like no other. A Ninja Turtles marathon on Nickelodeon is also compatible for the multi-generation household.
Saturday and Sunday will be dominated by football, and you can’t blame me for recommending full on gluttony of pigskin. Hockey, I see you too. But wait, what about our Barons?
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday you can tune in to the first three games of the Barons road trip all being played in chilly places themselves. Milwaukee and Chicago this time of year are pretty biting temperature wise (although warmer than OKC right now), and so the locals can probably empathize with OKCers (or just laugh at how big wimps we are).
Plug in your devices. Phone, iPad, computer, pebble, battery operated microwave, hot plate, 15 mile range walkie talkies – if they can be charged, charge them. When you get cabin fever, and you will, you will want those things more than any other. I’ve often wondered how I can rig a generator to my house so that I can protect my family from the harsh reality that we might not be safe WITHOUT WI-FI! So, as you read this, plug in your things. You can thank me via a tweet on Saturday afternoon.
If you would rather not eat or play Fruit Ninja or watch “The Carrie Diaries” (again, that stays between you and me) maybe book reading is your forte. It’s mine too, but only when I have long stretches of time. I’ll go ahead and recommend three (with hockey roots because this is a hockey blog).
I hate the Red Wings, but this Darren McCarty/Kevin Allen book on his career in Motown is absolutely fantastic reading. Get it for the fights, enjoy it for the hearts.
I also don’t like the Toronto Maple Leafs, but there ebs and flows are historically notorious. Their “growing up” of hockey in Canada forced the nation to start to figure out how to legitimize the national sport. Written well at nearly 400 pages, this one reads surprisingly simplistic.
Goalies are weird creatures. But often times we love them and hate them in the same breathe. Putting a face, personality, and figure to the mask is the goal here, and the stories are remarkable. Meshing the oddity of goaltenders with the passion for their position is right in Druzin’s wheel house.
Stay warm, Oklahoma, and always remember GO BARONS!